


(I Want To Be) Alone With You

by ifyouboozeyoulose



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Canon Era, M/M, No Sex, This isn't historically accurate, alex is hesitant, also some mentions of events that didn't happen, and an ass, boys crying, idk how to tag, like the timeline is off, lots and lots of feelings, or come up with titles, so there's that, this made someone cry?? so?? idk what that means
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:49:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifyouboozeyoulose/pseuds/ifyouboozeyoulose
Summary: In which Washington has a huge secret and Hamilton isn't sure if he wants to know what it is.





	

Please note the (terrible) tags.

"So sorry to interrupt, Mr. Secretary. His excellency wants to see you." The young man bowed and exited Hamilton's office, closing the door quietly behind him. Alexander sighed and hurriedly finished his last paragraph and wiped his brow, smearing ink over his forehead. What could Washington possibly want at a time like this? He knew Alexander was tremendously busy, what with Jefferson wanting to abide to France's every beck and call. Another knock on his door made him jump.  
"Sir, His Excellency-"  
"-Wants to see me, yes I know." Alexander set his quill down and stood, wincing slightly at the ache in his thighs. Sitting without getting up for more than three hours is not a good idea and Alexander knew Washington would reprimand him for it. He was always telling Alexander off for not taking care of himself, saying things like 'If you don't eat something I will send you right back to Nevis; do not test me, son.'  
Alex buttoned his waistcoat and smoothed down the fabric.  
\--  
"Mr. President, you wanted to see me?"  
"Yes, I'm sorry. I know you're busy." Washington turned to Alexander and frowned at his appearance. "Alexander, you have ink on your face."  
Hamilton's face heated with color, he stammered as he scrubbed at his forehead. "Sorry, sir, I was, well I was writing to Jefferson. I know, I know. You told me not to...I just wish I could get through to him that-"  
Washington cut him off. "Alexander."  
"I need to give you a word of warning." Washington sounded quite serious and Alexanders blood began to boil. That fucking Jefferson.  
"Sir, I don't know what you've heard, but whatever it is, Jefferson started it."  
Washington sighed. "If you could let me get a word out."  
Alex blushed again and nodded.  
Washington walked around his desk to stand in front of Alexander. "Thomas resigned this morning."  
Alex's eyes widened. " You're kidding!"  
Washington raised a brow. "I do not kid, Alexander." Washington hesitated. "I need a favor."  
"Right. Jefferson will pay for this behavior sir, what can I do for you?" Hamilton was already drawing up the plans in his mind for his next essay; he will ruin Jefferson for betraying his Washington. "I'll go to the press- I can write under a pseudonym! You'll see sir, you'll see what I can do to him."  
Washington shook his head and reached out to put a hand on Alex's arm.  
"I need you to draft an address."  
"Yes! You can finally speak your mind now that he's resigned."  
"No, you're not understanding. He's stepping down so he can run for president," Washington sighed at the look on Alexanders face.  
Alex scoffed. "Good luck defeating you, Sir."  
Washington steeled himself. "I'm stepping down, I'm not running for president."  
Alexander just about exploded. "I'm sorry, what? No, Sir! You have to, you can't! France is on the verge of war with Britain! You know what Jefferson wants!"  
Washington sighed and turned away from Alexander. "Have a drink with me. Let's take a break."  
"All due respect, Sir, I don't want to have a drink with you." Alex's voice broke.  
"I want to talk about neutrality-"  
"Are you just going to leave? After everything we've built?" Alexander questioned. 

Washington heaved a great breath. "I want to sit under my own vine and fig tree. I want to look after my home and drink coffee in the mornings without my hand shaking from the stress. I want to be alone. Alexander, I want to be alone with you." Washington finally met Alex's eye.  
"I'm...what?" Alexander stuttered. Washington's hands were shaking.  
"Alexander. Will you sit with me?" He motioned to the couch in front of the fireplace.  
"Sir, I don't.."  
"Please." Washington looked slightly desperate.  
Alexander conceded and let Washington lead him to the burgundy cushion.  
Alex sat, feeling quite out of place and on edge; he could practically feel the energy reverberating off of Washington. He sat down in the chair opposite Alexanders couch and clutched his hands together, looking into Alex's eyes. Alexanders mouth suddenly went very dry.  
"Alexander, I have something I need to say. And forewarning: this will not be easy for me, so I'm asking you to please keep an open mind and do not interrupt like you always do. Can you agree to that?" Washington's voice cracked on his last sentence. Alexander was starting to sweat.  
"Of course, sir." Alex's words were hesitant, unsure of himself.  
"Since Martha left, you of all people know how lonely I've been. You helped me through the darkest time in my life. You let me lean on you. You let me beat you down to make myself feel better and you still see me as the same man you met 20 years ago. But I don't see you the same." Washington's words were always strong and bold. This time was an exception; they were soft and tentative.  
He drew another deep breath. "Alexander, all these years I've had a...a change in thought. You grow up learning what is right and what is wrong and that is that, yes? But no...it's not. The scripture says one thing, but your mind and heart and body all say another. You want to act on it, but you feel it is sin in your soul. And then there is a brush of hands or a too long of a glance, and you tell yourself it's nothing. But deep, way down you know it isn't nothing." Washington was rambling and Alex knew he was beating around the bush. Washington was no longer looking at Alex but at his hands, something he never does.  
"I'm sorry sir, I do not understand," Alex felt itchy everywhere, this feeling was something he never wanted to feel again. "What are you saying?"  
Washington sat back in his chair; he looked defeated. "I am saying, Alexander." Another sigh, "I am saying that I love you."  
And then the man who always had something to say was speechless. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Washington looked very nervous.  
"Alexander?" He asked, looking in his eyes. "I know this must be some sort of...shock to you. But, could you please say something?"  
"Sir, I don't...I am not sure what you would have me say. This is...not a conversation I ever thought I would be having with you." Alex's voice was a mere whisper, he was looking at his hands and tapping his foot anxiously.  
Washington leaned forward and reached for Alexander's hands. Alex pulled away. Washington looked up at him and could see in Alexanders eyes that he did not want him. Washington's heart was racing even faster than it did when he was crossing that damn river in New Jersey and he could feel his eyes start to burn. "What are you thinking?" Washington asked, sitting back in his chair and wringing his hands.  
Alexander shifted in his seat and tugged at his neck tie. He took his waistcoat off, leaving him in his vest and long sleeve shirt.  
"Sir, I don't-"  
"Please, stop calling me sir."  
Alex nodded. "Okay. I don't know what to say."  
Washington closed his eyes for a long time. Alexander waited patiently, his thoughts running a mile a minute. He thought of all the times Washington laid a hand on his shoulder a second too long, or on his back, a fragment too low. He thought of the times he caught Washington's eye and smiled, his eyes crinkling. Did it mean something?  
Washington stood suddenly, knocking Alexander out of his thoughts. "I should not have troubled you with this, Hamilton. You may leave."  
It was like a slap in this face. When did Washington start calling him Hamilton again? When did he use that tone of voice with him?  
Hamilton stood and walked to Washington, like a fawn might a wolf. Washington had his back to him, his hands in his pockets staring out the window.  
"Sir-- I mean, Mr President, please do not make assumptions."  
Washington scoffed. "Who are you to say I am making assumptions?"  
Alexander lowered his eyes. "You have your back turned to me, sir. You once told me you would never do that, and here you are, with your back to me. I have a right."  
Washington turned, his eyes blazing. "A right? You of all people do not have a right! I am the president! What are you?"  
Alexander stepped back, his heart in his stomach. "Sir..please."  
"You're nothing! Nothing to me at all. Leave, son."  
"Don't call me son."  
Washington stared Alex down. "You think just because I have professed my love you can tell me what to do?"  
Alexander shook his head. "If you loved me you would treat me like it."  
"Why would I do that when you do not love me back?" He shot back. His arms were crossed over his chest, guarding himself almost.  
"You don't know that! You didn't give me time to process, to think about it!"  
"When do you ever think before you speak, Hamilton?" Washington was shouting now, his eyes filling with tears. He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and trodden over by a dozen horses. He should not have told him.  
"I just needed to process this. I always thought...that you would have been repulsed by the thought of laying with another man." Alexanders voice was shaky.  
Washington drew a long breath. "I have only had my eyes on you, Alexander. There's been no other man...nor woman for that matter."  
Alexander stepped closer to Washington. "How long?"  
He cleared his throat, "Since before Martha left."  
Alex sputtered and stammered. "What? That's been...well over ten years ago! Why didn't you tell me?"  
Washington cowered back. "I'm not sorry. You had that damn mess with Eliza and that Reynolds girl. How was I to tell you I loved you after all of that? No, this is perfect timing."  
"Perfect timing? This is the worst timing! You're leaving!"  
Washington sighed and ran a hand over his face. "That's what I'm saying! I'm asking you to come with me!"  
Alexander stilled. "Oh. Well, my job is here. How am I to-"  
"Alexander. You don't have to work your whole life." Washington reached out and this time, Alexander stayed. Washington took Alex's hand and held it gently, his thumb running over Alexanders swollen knuckles. "You're too hard in yourself. You've written yourself bloody, Alex."  
"If I leave with you, nobody with our views will be here. Jefferson will ruin the economy! We will go to war with Britain again and everything will be in disarray!" Alexander was no less than exasperated.  
Washington started. "I...are you saying you would...want to?"  
Alexander shifted on his feet. "I don't know."  
"Alexander, are you put off by the thought of a man? Or, is it me?" Washington was baring himself, practically tearing off all his clothes. He was so vulnerable and Alex thought that he'd never seen him that way.  
"I am never put off by the thought of you, sir."  
Washington drew a quick breath, his mouth falling slack with nothing to say.  
Alexander took his hand back and ran it through his hair, shifting from one foot to the other. "Sir, I, I do not want you to think I don't want you. How could anyone in their right mind not want you?"  
He approached Washington now with a confidence and put his hand on his cheek, his fingers curling in the hair at the nape of his neck. Washington's eyes were blazing with a fire Alex had never seen before, a fire that only Alexander could bring out in him. "Alexander, I have been in love with you since the moment you stepped foot in my tent twenty years ago. I didn't know it then. I thought the breath you drew from me was out of exasperation, not endearment. Your writings are none but brilliant, and your words even more so. If not for you I've no idea where this country would be. You've done your part, Alexander. You've done more than your part. Come home with me."  
Alex was hesitant. "I do not think I will like Virginia...seeing what it has produced." He nodded to the portrait of Jefferson to his right.  
"It produced me long before Jefferson, my Alexander. There is no go, go, go, on Mt Vernon. Only the rolling hills and trees and a beautiful lake that you can sit by and drink Sherry and read the morning paper." Alexander saw George Washington smile, and it felt like the first time.  
Washington wrapped his arms around Alex's waist and could smell ink and parchment and the jasmine oils that Lafayette had gifted him three years prior. It was a smell he wanted all through his house, on his bed sheets and drapes.  
"What do you say, Alexander?" He whispered  
"What will the people say? Will we tell them?" Alexander leaned is head on Washington's chest.  
"Only if you want them to know." He hummed, closing his eyes. He felt like the happiest man in the world.  
"I don't. But I'm telling John and Lafayette, most definitely." Alex never wanted to move. He was warm and happy and nothing could ever disrupt their perfect embrace.

 

\----  
I hope you liked it! If not that's cool too. Catch me on the flip side- ifyouboozeyoulose on tumblr. Heed the tags; I know it is historically inaccurate. All characters mentioned are played by the actors in the musical. Any kind of feedback is appreciated :)


End file.
